me grimlock no like Michael Bay's direction

Me Grimlock no like complain. All Internet does is complain. Not me Grimlock, me no dork. But me Grimlock not help but notice lack of me Grimlock in Michael Bay’s new action extravaganza Transformers.

Me no understand what problem is. Me Grimlock dinosaur. Me Grimlock robot. Me Grimlock giant. Who no like giant robot dinosaur? Why no put in movie? Movies with giants, robots and dinosaurs make everybody rich. Star Wars had robots in it and very big in America and Japan, just like Transformers. Jurassic Park made Steven Spielberg so much money, Kate Capshaw marry Jew. King Kong made lots of money, even with silly skate scene in Central Park. Snarl only one who liked that scene, but Snarl big girl at heart.

Then me Grimlock hear instead of all robots, Michael Bay want more carbon-based lifeforms in the movie. He want more human connection for fleshlings who see movie. That idea more stupid than little robots that transform into robot heads. Carbon-based lifeforms all fleshy and no transform. Where drama in that? If fleshlings get in me Grimlock’s way, me Grimlock stomp on them and get foot sticky like pudding. That no fun. It also remind fleshy ones watching movie in theater that floor is gross.

No get me Grimlock wrong, me Grimlock like Michael Bay movies cause no need long attention span. Michael Bay even put robot dinosaurs in past movies, like Sean Connery in Rock. Me Grimlock’s favorite Michael Bay movie Armageddon cause fleshy humans stopping meteor from stomping Earth very funny in me Dinobot eyes.

Fleshlings only ruin Transformers movie. Look at first Transformers movie in 1985. Worst part of movie was small fleshling. And me Grimlock not saving day by stomping Orson Wells. Those two things not in new Transformers movie. That why me Grimlock join all Internet in not seeing new movie. Judd Nelson will be proud of me Grimlock.

Producers think they fool me Grimlock into liking movie, but me Grimlock no fool. They hold contest to decide what Optimus Prime should say in movie. Me Grimlock enter. Prime should say, “Me Prime wish Grimlock here because me Prime terrible at leadership, battle and cooking!” No surprise, producer no like me Grimlock’s idea. Me Grimlock like to bash producer brains in.

Autobot Jazz say me Grimlock should try make new movie about Grimlock instead of stomping producer. Me Grimlock like idea, but then Swoop say Jazz already in Transformers movie. No funny, Jazz! Michael Bay want black transformer in movie, but no retarded robot dinosaur? Swoop told me Grimlock black characters in movie cause of affirmative action. Well, no one more affirmative on action than me Grimlock. Me Grimlock king of action! Affirmative!

The news make me Grimlock angry and stomp Bernie Mac like pudding, cause he in new movie and he black too. But Slag say Bernie Mac play fleshy one, not Jazz, so me Grimlock sorry. Mostly for chocolate pudding on foot.

Putting me Grimlock in “Transformers” movie mean everybody see green. Me Grimlock not actually green, me Grimlock meant green as in cash. See what me Grimlock did there, me Grimlock make pretty funny joke. Laugh or me Grimlock slice you with energo-sword. Laugh, fleshlings! Remember Bill Cosby say always room for more pudding.