I was watching this O'Reilly Factor clip off Pundit's site. About midway through an interview with Dem. Senator Barney Frank, "Papa Bear" gets in a heated arguement about the "secular progressives" attempt to place high taxes on the rich to redistribute the wealth to the poor.
Hmmm, who was the first guy that had that wacky idea of the rich helping the poor? Oh yeah, JESUS. There it is in Matthew's parable about the Rich Young Man, as Jesus tells a guy: "Sell what you have and give it to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven."
I tell ya, those progressives with their crazy secular ideas.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Monday, November 27, 2006
me grimlock no like Michael Bay's direction
Me Grimlock no like complain. All Internet does is complain. Not me Grimlock, me no dork. But me Grimlock not help but notice lack of me Grimlock in Michael Bay’s new action extravaganza Transformers.Me no understand what problem is. Me Grimlock dinosaur. Me Grimlock robot. Me Grimlock giant. Who no like giant robot dinosaur? Why no put in movie? Movies with giants, robots and dinosaurs make everybody rich. Star Wars had robots in it and very big in America and Japan, just like Transformers. Jurassic Park made Steven Spielberg so much money, Kate Capshaw marry Jew. King Kong made lots of money, even with silly skate scene in Central Park. Snarl only one who liked that scene, but Snarl big girl at heart.
Then me Grimlock hear instead of all robots, Michael Bay want more carbon-based lifeforms in the movie. He want more human connection for fleshlings who see movie. That idea more stupid than little robots that transform into robot heads. Carbon-based lifeforms all fleshy and no transform. Where drama in that? If fleshlings get in me Grimlock’s way, me Grimlock stomp on them and get foot sticky like pudding. That no fun. It also remind fleshy ones watching movie in theater that floor is gross.
No get me Grimlock wrong, me Grimlock like Michael Bay movies cause no need long attention span. Michael Bay even put robot dinosaurs in past movies, like Sean Connery in Rock. Me Grimlock’s favorite Michael Bay movie Armageddon cause fleshy humans stopping meteor from stomping Earth very funny in me Dinobot eyes.
Fleshlings only ruin Transformers movie. Look at first Transformers movie in 1985. Worst part of movie was small fleshling. And me Grimlock not saving day by stomping Orson Wells. Those two things not in new Transformers movie. That why me Grimlock join all Internet in not seeing new movie. Judd Nelson will be proud of me Grimlock.
Producers think they fool me Grimlock into liking movie, but me Grimlock no fool. They hold contest to decide what Optimus Prime should say in movie. Me Grimlock enter. Prime should say, “Me Prime wish Grimlock here because me Prime terrible at leadership, battle and cooking!” No surprise, producer no like me Grimlock’s idea. Me Grimlock like to bash producer brains in.
Autobot Jazz say me Grimlock should try make new movie about Grimlock instead of stomping producer. Me Grimlock like idea, but then Swoop say Jazz already in Transformers movie. No funny, Jazz! Michael Bay want black transformer in movie, but no retarded robot dinosaur? Swoop told me Grimlock black characters in movie cause of affirmative action. Well, no one more affirmative on action than me Grimlock. Me Grimlock king of action! Affirmative!
The news make me Grimlock angry and stomp Bernie Mac like pudding, cause he in new movie and he black too. But Slag say Bernie Mac play fleshy one, not Jazz, so me Grimlock sorry. Mostly for chocolate pudding on foot.
Putting me Grimlock in “Transformers” movie mean everybody see green. Me Grimlock not actually green, me Grimlock meant green as in cash. See what me Grimlock did there, me Grimlock make pretty funny joke. Laugh or me Grimlock slice you with energo-sword. Laugh, fleshlings! Remember Bill Cosby say always room for more pudding.
dave cockrum died
Who is Dave Cockrum and why should I care? He's one of the guys - the artist - who helped revive the low-selling X-Men title in the mid-70s with new characters like Storm, Nightcrawler, Colossus and a dude who only appeared twice in another title by the name of Wolverine that eventually turned into a cash-making machine for Marvel a few years later.
I'm not a super X-Men fan. I used to read the books in the 80s and early 90s before their popularity got to a point where there were 10 different spinoff titles published every month, each with deliberetly confusing and mysterious storylines that made it impossible to keep up. Imagine if there were five "Lost" spinoffs, and you had to watch all of them. That's annoying. Still, I always had a softspot for the X-Men, occasionally dipping my toes back in for the movies and video games. Cockrum helped create two of my favorite members - Nightcrawler and Colossus - so I'm taking the moment to tell you about him and why I think he's pretty cool.
Mark Evanier's blog News From Me has a much better writeup about Dave, so check it out if you're so inclined.
I'm not a super X-Men fan. I used to read the books in the 80s and early 90s before their popularity got to a point where there were 10 different spinoff titles published every month, each with deliberetly confusing and mysterious storylines that made it impossible to keep up. Imagine if there were five "Lost" spinoffs, and you had to watch all of them. That's annoying. Still, I always had a softspot for the X-Men, occasionally dipping my toes back in for the movies and video games. Cockrum helped create two of my favorite members - Nightcrawler and Colossus - so I'm taking the moment to tell you about him and why I think he's pretty cool.
Mark Evanier's blog News From Me has a much better writeup about Dave, so check it out if you're so inclined.
back
I've been off the blogging thing for a bit but I'm back now. I spent the Thanksgiving week in Flordia with the in-laws (that just sounds weird), so it's a whole thing of getting ready to take a week off, taking a week off, and then catching up from the week off. So it's a been a bit hectic.
I've been working on my projects a lot as well. I submitted two humor pieces in the past month, one to McSweeney's and another to Mad Magazine. The McSweeney's piece was rejected, and after looking around the Web for possible sites/media that would be interested in a op-ed piece by a retarded robot dinosaur, I found none. That's so weird, isn't it? (And by the way, The Onion does not accept unsolicited material, so phooey on them). Anyway, I'm going to post it here as a point of reference, and maybe the musings of Grimlock the Dinobot will find an audience somewhere on the magical World Wide Web.
I haven't heard anything from Mad, so I thinking no on that. But I have to say, they have one of the better form letters for submissions I've ever seen.
I'm working on some other things as well. Unfortunately, none of which was on National Novel Writing Month. My plan was to sketch out a plot based very loosely on the events of my own life (primarly the death of my dad) as a way for me to easily write something around a structure. However, I found I kept writing too much about my own life and the structure never really went anywhere, so eventually, I tripped myself up with self-doubt, got ideas for other things, and moved on. I don't really feel that bad about it as I'm working on other creative avenues and putting feelers out there, so it's not like I haven't been unproductive. I'll probably give it another shot next year.
So yeah, the Grimlock piece to come as well as the oddball joke or two I've devised recently.
I've been working on my projects a lot as well. I submitted two humor pieces in the past month, one to McSweeney's and another to Mad Magazine. The McSweeney's piece was rejected, and after looking around the Web for possible sites/media that would be interested in a op-ed piece by a retarded robot dinosaur, I found none. That's so weird, isn't it? (And by the way, The Onion does not accept unsolicited material, so phooey on them). Anyway, I'm going to post it here as a point of reference, and maybe the musings of Grimlock the Dinobot will find an audience somewhere on the magical World Wide Web.
I haven't heard anything from Mad, so I thinking no on that. But I have to say, they have one of the better form letters for submissions I've ever seen.
I'm working on some other things as well. Unfortunately, none of which was on National Novel Writing Month. My plan was to sketch out a plot based very loosely on the events of my own life (primarly the death of my dad) as a way for me to easily write something around a structure. However, I found I kept writing too much about my own life and the structure never really went anywhere, so eventually, I tripped myself up with self-doubt, got ideas for other things, and moved on. I don't really feel that bad about it as I'm working on other creative avenues and putting feelers out there, so it's not like I haven't been unproductive. I'll probably give it another shot next year.
So yeah, the Grimlock piece to come as well as the oddball joke or two I've devised recently.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
it's good to have goals
So with the Republican party rebounding from last week's trouncing, they decided to return to its core roots. How? By reelecting Trent Lott to a top leadership post in the Senate.
It's nice to see the Republicans returning to its roots. Racist roots to be sure, but hey, you have to admire the committment.
It's nice to see the Republicans returning to its roots. Racist roots to be sure, but hey, you have to admire the committment.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
yep, defintely a "drink to bliss" kinda day
Dems win the House! Rumsfeld steps down! It's like Christmas came two months early!
News like this fills me with such joy, it makes me want to out and marry two Mexican men, abort their adoptive fetus for the purposes of stem cell research and then tax them for everything! HUZZAH!
I like this choice comment from the president today: "Somehow it's seeped in their conscience that, you know, my attitude was just simply Stay the course." Yeah, why would anybody think the administration wanted to stay the course?
I think the funniest part of the Rumsfeld thing is that if they did this a week early, they may have likely kept control of Congress.
News like this fills me with such joy, it makes me want to out and marry two Mexican men, abort their adoptive fetus for the purposes of stem cell research and then tax them for everything! HUZZAH!
I like this choice comment from the president today: "Somehow it's seeped in their conscience that, you know, my attitude was just simply Stay the course." Yeah, why would anybody think the administration wanted to stay the course?
I think the funniest part of the Rumsfeld thing is that if they did this a week early, they may have likely kept control of Congress.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
enough with the foreplay
Sorry I missed this little nugget of information, but Bass Pro allowed Buffalo to get to first base, again.
"The Bass Pro founder, who first saw the Aud's exterior during a social trip to Buffalo in the late 1990s, has toured the interior of the building on at least four other occasions. Bass Pro engineers and designers have made several additional visits."
So this dude has been at least five times to look at the building? What exactly did he learn on this last visit that he didn't figure out in the previous decade? "Hmm, this place needs cleaning up. Should we do that or tear the whole thing down?" Wasn't that the original question two or three years ago? The city is really breaking some land-air speed records in getting this deal signed, I tell ya. I admire the foolish optimism of the Erie County Harbor Committee representative, who should know something about those speed records, in predicting that something will happen before the end of the year. Dude, you're still on the first date!
You know what Buffalo? Have you ever considered the possibility that Bass Pro is just not that into you? Especially when the founder uses terms like "awesome?"
Buffalo's a great city and all, I just wish whomever works out these development deals didn't spread their legs quicker than a two-bit Cantonese whore. And I mean no offense to the Cantonese whores out there that happen to be reading this.
"The Bass Pro founder, who first saw the Aud's exterior during a social trip to Buffalo in the late 1990s, has toured the interior of the building on at least four other occasions. Bass Pro engineers and designers have made several additional visits."
So this dude has been at least five times to look at the building? What exactly did he learn on this last visit that he didn't figure out in the previous decade? "Hmm, this place needs cleaning up. Should we do that or tear the whole thing down?" Wasn't that the original question two or three years ago? The city is really breaking some land-air speed records in getting this deal signed, I tell ya. I admire the foolish optimism of the Erie County Harbor Committee representative, who should know something about those speed records, in predicting that something will happen before the end of the year. Dude, you're still on the first date!
You know what Buffalo? Have you ever considered the possibility that Bass Pro is just not that into you? Especially when the founder uses terms like "awesome?"
Buffalo's a great city and all, I just wish whomever works out these development deals didn't spread their legs quicker than a two-bit Cantonese whore. And I mean no offense to the Cantonese whores out there that happen to be reading this.
Election Day
I'm guessing that the handful of you that will read this are already making plans to vote ... so yeah. Happy Tuesday.
I recall two years ago after several co-workers hassled me like my favorite sports team lost, I went to see the original "Saw" movie in the afternoon, as performing a self-amputation is about how I felt that day. I may or may not post tomorrow, depending on the results. I'm thinking either it's "drink myself into bliss for celebration" or "drink myself into stupior in mourning" kinda day.
I recall two years ago after several co-workers hassled me like my favorite sports team lost, I went to see the original "Saw" movie in the afternoon, as performing a self-amputation is about how I felt that day. I may or may not post tomorrow, depending on the results. I'm thinking either it's "drink myself into bliss for celebration" or "drink myself into stupior in mourning" kinda day.
You were a good balloon, Charlie Brown
They're eliminating the Charlie Brown balloon from the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade according to this article along with Kermit. In its place is flying Snoopy, one of the Pokeman characters and the Energizer Bunny.
I'm a little depressed that a corporate icon is going up there. Charlie Brown depressed. I guess it's a sign of the times.
I'm a little depressed that a corporate icon is going up there. Charlie Brown depressed. I guess it's a sign of the times.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
it ain't right
Don't get me wrong, I love Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. In fact, it may be my favorite piece of candy ever. Whenever I have a bag of Reese's (slightly chilled from the fridge) and a tall glass of milk, I'm a happy man. Whomever put chocolate and peanut butter together ranks higher in my eyes than Thomas Edison.
But I'm staring at a Inside Out Reese's cup at work. It's the one where they put the peanut butter on the outside and the chocolate inside. There's something very, very unnatural about it, like somebody who has his organs on the outside.
But I'm staring at a Inside Out Reese's cup at work. It's the one where they put the peanut butter on the outside and the chocolate inside. There's something very, very unnatural about it, like somebody who has his organs on the outside.
A thought before Election Day
Right now I have a president of the United States, two United States senators, one United States congressman, a governor, a state senator, a state assemblyman, a county executive, a county legislator, a mayor, a common council member and a common council president, all elected to represent me. That's just the executive and legislative branches. There's also judges, state supreme court justices, sheriffs, district attorney, attorney generals and the like I have to vote for. Let's not even bring up political committee delegates.
As best as I can figure, I live in the 27th district, the 60th district, the 11th district and either the 141st or the 144th district, depending on my interpretation of the helpful district maps offered on the state Web site. As a City of Buffalo resident, I believe I live in the Delaware district, if I'm reading the somewhat imprecise map the city Web site offers me correctly.
There are three different state assembly people in my zip code. There are two different congressional representatives in my zip code. I actually had to look up my nine-digit zip code to figure out which congressional district I'm in (I was sure I was in Brian Higgins district, but it could have been the alcohol). In fact, the apartments across the hall from mine have a different nine-digit zip code than me.
That's a lot of people to keep track of. And during election season, you have to double that at least. I work in the media, and even I can't keep up with all this stuff, so I can't imagine Johnny Suburb having much luck with it.
Government may be too big.
As best as I can figure, I live in the 27th district, the 60th district, the 11th district and either the 141st or the 144th district, depending on my interpretation of the helpful district maps offered on the state Web site. As a City of Buffalo resident, I believe I live in the Delaware district, if I'm reading the somewhat imprecise map the city Web site offers me correctly.
There are three different state assembly people in my zip code. There are two different congressional representatives in my zip code. I actually had to look up my nine-digit zip code to figure out which congressional district I'm in (I was sure I was in Brian Higgins district, but it could have been the alcohol). In fact, the apartments across the hall from mine have a different nine-digit zip code than me.
That's a lot of people to keep track of. And during election season, you have to double that at least. I work in the media, and even I can't keep up with all this stuff, so I can't imagine Johnny Suburb having much luck with it.
Government may be too big.
Monday, October 30, 2006
One month. 50,000 words. It's gonna be crap.
So I'm chugging along, working up some ideas for stories in various formats that I would like to do. A three-act play here, a script for a mockmentary there. Basically, just some diddling as I get my creative muscles working.
And then I came along this site: National Novel Writing Month. Basically, it gives all writers one simple, daunting challenge: Write an entire book, or at least 50,000 words, in a one-month period from Nov. 1 to 30.
I'm gonna do it. Why? Because I'm stupid.
Actually, I'd like to think my reasons are well-intentioned. One of the things that always trips me up as a writer, as I'm sure trips up thousands of other would-be authors, is that everytime you sit down and look at that blank page, all you think about is the masterworks that inspired you to try one of these things in the first place, whether it's Jane Austen, William Shakespeare, Alan Moore or whomever. I keep thinking whatever comes out of my head is going to suck compared to those writers, so I stop.
I figure I'm never going to get better doing that. Eventually, I'm going to have to work out a complete story as a first draft, and then I can go back and rewrite to make it something that, while it may not be good, at least not suck.
So National Novel Writing Month is probably the kind of thing I'm looking for. There's a goal and a deadline. It's all about pouring every little messed up thing in your head onto the page as quickly as possible. If I'm lucky, I'll have something on Dec. 1 that I can work with, touching up the story into something I'm proud of. If I'm not lucky, I can always think that at least I finished something, while learning more about the process of writing.
Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.
And then I came along this site: National Novel Writing Month. Basically, it gives all writers one simple, daunting challenge: Write an entire book, or at least 50,000 words, in a one-month period from Nov. 1 to 30.
I'm gonna do it. Why? Because I'm stupid.
Actually, I'd like to think my reasons are well-intentioned. One of the things that always trips me up as a writer, as I'm sure trips up thousands of other would-be authors, is that everytime you sit down and look at that blank page, all you think about is the masterworks that inspired you to try one of these things in the first place, whether it's Jane Austen, William Shakespeare, Alan Moore or whomever. I keep thinking whatever comes out of my head is going to suck compared to those writers, so I stop.
I figure I'm never going to get better doing that. Eventually, I'm going to have to work out a complete story as a first draft, and then I can go back and rewrite to make it something that, while it may not be good, at least not suck.
So National Novel Writing Month is probably the kind of thing I'm looking for. There's a goal and a deadline. It's all about pouring every little messed up thing in your head onto the page as quickly as possible. If I'm lucky, I'll have something on Dec. 1 that I can work with, touching up the story into something I'm proud of. If I'm not lucky, I can always think that at least I finished something, while learning more about the process of writing.
Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
The 10 O'Clock News
ON. THE. LIST.
For deciding to cut off the end of last night's "Veronica Mars" because you couldn't wait THREE FREAKING MINUTES to break in with the whole "Erie County is a federal disaster site" mess.
Also On The List? Tom Reynolds, just because I was watching one of my favorite TV shows only to see the sweaty mug of a human being I detest pop up suddenly. I'm not sure if it was his decision to start the press conference early, but he's SUSPECT.
For deciding to cut off the end of last night's "Veronica Mars" because you couldn't wait THREE FREAKING MINUTES to break in with the whole "Erie County is a federal disaster site" mess.
Also On The List? Tom Reynolds, just because I was watching one of my favorite TV shows only to see the sweaty mug of a human being I detest pop up suddenly. I'm not sure if it was his decision to start the press conference early, but he's SUSPECT.
TCM's The Underground
I sort of stumbled upon this Web ad for TCM's showing of the original "Night of the Living Dead" this Friday night at 2 a.m. Further research indicates that it's part of a new film series on Turner Classic Movies called the Underground, celebrating old trashy, nutty horror movies. They don't have a schedule up for beyond this week, but previous shows included a bunch of Russ Meyer movies like "Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!"
I've never seen a Russ Meyer movie, but I've got nothing to lose now. I've already seen the worst horror movie ever.
Oh, and the whole series is hosted by Rob Zombie.
On a related note, a DVR and a station guide to Turner Classic Movies is thousands of dollars cheaper than film school and a lot more fun to boot.
I've never seen a Russ Meyer movie, but I've got nothing to lose now. I've already seen the worst horror movie ever.
Oh, and the whole series is hosted by Rob Zombie.
On a related note, a DVR and a station guide to Turner Classic Movies is thousands of dollars cheaper than film school and a lot more fun to boot.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
movies! (an actual review)
So I finished watching "The Grudge" recently. I was always kinda interested in the flick, basically because the visuals looked pretty nifty from the trailers I saw. Granted, I was never interested enough to get up off my ass to go to a theater or a video store, but still, it was one of those movies I always kept in the back of my mind to see.
So, why now? Well, it's Halloween season, the sequel just came out, and I can watch the flick on HBO OnDemand for free. Let's roll 'em!
My god, what an utter piece of shit. It's got atmosphere, I'll give it that, but this was one of the biggest, steamiest piles of turds I've ever seen float across my television screen. Well, I think it was a turd. It might have been the flowing hair that seems to come out of dark corners, but I like to think of it as actual turds because it allows me to retain my sanity.
By the way, spoilers ahoy, but believe me, I'm doing you a favor.
Here's my issue with the movie, and it's a big one: The Big Bad, a womanly ghost that kills everybody in the movie, has no rules. By which I mean a given set of parameters that allows the audience to understand the Big Bad's powers, what she can or can't do, to set up how everybody gets killed. In "The Ring," you watch the videotape, and you have a week to show it to somebody else or Cousin It comes out of the TV screen and gets you (of course, you have to figure out yourself you have to show it to somebody else). In "Saw," the Big Bad himself just tells you what you have to do to get out of his traps, even if it usually means losing a body part in the process. Yeah, I get all that. In "The Grudge," the curse is set on you whenever you walk into this house where a mother and a son were killed, and there's really nothing you can do to stop it. Nothing. So why what a movie where the Big Bad is completely unstoppable? That's what I'm asking myself right now.
I'll give you a few examples. A woman, who is the sister of the current occupant of the house and has been over for tea, is working late in her office. She starts getting phone calls and weird vibes from the Big Bad (which I'll keep referring to because I'm not sure she has a name. There's only 15 minutes of dialogue in the whole movie). So she runs home scared and locks the door.
She gets another phone call from her brother (which the audience knows is now dead). Apparently he's outside the door. She opens the door and there's nobody there. The Big Bad gets her a few minutes later in her bed. The impression we're supposed to get is that you have to let the Big Bad in before she can take you. But how does she suddenly show up at the office? Nobody let her in, as far as we've seen. That is what the people in the critic business refer to as a PLOT HOLE.
What's irritating is that this whole movie is full of them. Every five minutes there's a contradiction from what we were previously shown. This can get annoying, because nothing makes any sense. The Big Bad can slowly come after you, or you can turn around and there she is a second later. She'll show up in your bed without warning or slowly stalk down the hall towards you. The Big Bad can do anything and everything! The audience is given no information how to beat her! They do, towards the end, attempt to burn the haunted house down, but we never actually see what fire does to the Big Bad because they cut away a second later. So it's fairly anticlimactic when she shows up three minutes later in the final frame. In other words, THERE IS NO RESOLUTION TO THE MOVIE.
Hell, the Friday the 13th movies and the like are pretty crappy flicks in my opinion, but at least they set up the ground rules. This is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. How does "The Grudge" get a sequel? And why did people get fooled into buying tickets a second time?
So, why now? Well, it's Halloween season, the sequel just came out, and I can watch the flick on HBO OnDemand for free. Let's roll 'em!
My god, what an utter piece of shit. It's got atmosphere, I'll give it that, but this was one of the biggest, steamiest piles of turds I've ever seen float across my television screen. Well, I think it was a turd. It might have been the flowing hair that seems to come out of dark corners, but I like to think of it as actual turds because it allows me to retain my sanity.
By the way, spoilers ahoy, but believe me, I'm doing you a favor.
Here's my issue with the movie, and it's a big one: The Big Bad, a womanly ghost that kills everybody in the movie, has no rules. By which I mean a given set of parameters that allows the audience to understand the Big Bad's powers, what she can or can't do, to set up how everybody gets killed. In "The Ring," you watch the videotape, and you have a week to show it to somebody else or Cousin It comes out of the TV screen and gets you (of course, you have to figure out yourself you have to show it to somebody else). In "Saw," the Big Bad himself just tells you what you have to do to get out of his traps, even if it usually means losing a body part in the process. Yeah, I get all that. In "The Grudge," the curse is set on you whenever you walk into this house where a mother and a son were killed, and there's really nothing you can do to stop it. Nothing. So why what a movie where the Big Bad is completely unstoppable? That's what I'm asking myself right now.
I'll give you a few examples. A woman, who is the sister of the current occupant of the house and has been over for tea, is working late in her office. She starts getting phone calls and weird vibes from the Big Bad (which I'll keep referring to because I'm not sure she has a name. There's only 15 minutes of dialogue in the whole movie). So she runs home scared and locks the door.
She gets another phone call from her brother (which the audience knows is now dead). Apparently he's outside the door. She opens the door and there's nobody there. The Big Bad gets her a few minutes later in her bed. The impression we're supposed to get is that you have to let the Big Bad in before she can take you. But how does she suddenly show up at the office? Nobody let her in, as far as we've seen. That is what the people in the critic business refer to as a PLOT HOLE.
What's irritating is that this whole movie is full of them. Every five minutes there's a contradiction from what we were previously shown. This can get annoying, because nothing makes any sense. The Big Bad can slowly come after you, or you can turn around and there she is a second later. She'll show up in your bed without warning or slowly stalk down the hall towards you. The Big Bad can do anything and everything! The audience is given no information how to beat her! They do, towards the end, attempt to burn the haunted house down, but we never actually see what fire does to the Big Bad because they cut away a second later. So it's fairly anticlimactic when she shows up three minutes later in the final frame. In other words, THERE IS NO RESOLUTION TO THE MOVIE.
Hell, the Friday the 13th movies and the like are pretty crappy flicks in my opinion, but at least they set up the ground rules. This is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. How does "The Grudge" get a sequel? And why did people get fooled into buying tickets a second time?
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
spam spam spam spam
I just received this one at work entitled "Banality." As I writer, I feel you have to open those e-mails because you're always worried they're talking about your work, which in my case, may be entirely possible.
But no, it's about something ... well, I have no idea what it's about. It's like getting an e-mail from Borat.
"break guttural competently anomalous
Check A R S S right now, stockjobbers drop the price, it's time to get in
and get profit!
inform inordinately washbasin cosmetic"
When I read "stockjobbers," I immedately thought of nameless stockbrokers who always lose money quickly to the bigger profit guys like Donald Trump or somebody. But that could be the wrestling fan in me thinking.
But no, it's about something ... well, I have no idea what it's about. It's like getting an e-mail from Borat.
"break guttural competently anomalous
Check A R S S right now, stockjobbers drop the price, it's time to get in
and get profit!
inform inordinately washbasin cosmetic"
When I read "stockjobbers," I immedately thought of nameless stockbrokers who always lose money quickly to the bigger profit guys like Donald Trump or somebody. But that could be the wrestling fan in me thinking.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Sunday, October 15, 2006
the day I became a man
What a wacky couple of days. Luckily, our apartment never lost power, so we woke up Friday morning as wide-eyed as kids hoping for snow days. And we got one! Julie and I then proceeded to spend most of the day watching TV and occasionally taking phone calls from our moms, both of whom lost power.
I think I wandered outside to clean off my car late in the afternoon, and it was my first chance to get a feel for how nasty it was for myself. Our complex has a lot of trees, and all of them were destroyed, or at least damaged. Thankfully, I used a bit of rare foresight for myself on Thursday when I decided it was not a good idea to park underneath a tree.
We got more phone calls from our moms, and something about removing water from their sump pumps. Hey, I don't our my mom's basement flooded, I got my comics down there! Finally, my mom broke down on Friday night and said I have to come over, because she's been at this sump pump thing all day and she's exhausted.
Taking buckets of water out of a hole in the ground occasionally doesn't sound that bad. Yeah, it is.
Bailing water out every 15 minutes sucks. The water never stops coming! I would be dumping five five-gallons worth of water out of the ground at a time and it looks like I barely made a dent. If anybody fell asleep for more than 30 minutes, the basement floods! It feels like being one of the button-pushers on "Lost," with the added gift of sore arms and backs.
Julie's mother was going through the same thing. Thankfully, she lives in a duplex with her friend on the other side, so they were taking shifts through the night. I was at my mom's in Lancaster until late Friday night ... yeah, that's right, fuck you driving ban! ... and then drove back to Buffalo. I'd be up by 5:30 a.m. to head back to Lancaster for another shift.
How does one occupy yourself inbetween bouts of water dumping? My laptop has a battery life of about 3.5 hours, which meant I was able to get through six episodes of Arrested Development S3 with the DVD player. After the laptop was done, I listed to WBEN for a while, and two thoughts occurred to me ... One, why does every weather related event have to have a catchy media nickname? Yeah, kiss my ass, "October Surprise!" Two, and this happened when hearing a commercial about external batteries for sump pumps, I figured out such a device could be useful to me right about now. Especially when the radio reports that it could be a week before power is restored.
My mother woke up later Saturday morning, and then mentioned to me that my father actually has a gas-engine generator sitting in the garage. Um, what?
First, I'd like to explain something about myself. My dad was always good with the mechanics, while I was the book guy. I was an English major. I've lived in apartments for most of my adult life, which means I have a Mitch Hedberg philosophy to maintenance: I don't have to do shit.
But the revelation that there's a generator sitting upstairs baffled me. See, you have to run the generator outside because of the carbon monoxide (Hey, I worked that out myself!) However, the plug on the sump pump is telling me that I can't connect to an extension cord if it isn't a grounded circuit, which might have well be written in French for all the good it does me. I'm really, really out of my element when it comes to this stuff. Fuck the trains leaving at 1 and 3 bullshit they put on the SATs, why don't they have questions like how to use a generator outside to power the essential things downstairs using a grounded circuit?
While my mom attempts to track down the instruction manual for this generator, I shove off for a few hours to acquire a pair of sump pump batteries (yeah, nice try Mark) and check in with Julie's mother. They have now enlisted a third party to help with the bailing of their pump. She also managed to have somebody deliver a generator later that day. So while the bailing is handled over there, I grab a shovel to clear out the driveway of snow. Fortunately, it was actually very nice on Saturday afternoon, so much of the snow was beginning to melt. Unfortunately, plows left a good five foot pile of the cold stuff at the foot of the driveway. Between shoveling and the bailing, I was enduring Dickins-like backbreaking labor here.
My mom calls me and she's found the generator manual. Hurray! But while I take that break, my mother-in-law decides to clear the afore-mentioned five-foot pile of snow by driving over it with her Landrover. Didn't really work. You'll have to excuse her, this is her first winter dealing with this snow stuff by herself. Anyway, I have my handy excuse to bail out of there and back to my mom's place.
So remember that bit about the grounding circuit? According to the manual, the generator's already grounded! How exciting. After a few more trial-and-error moments (mainly, I put too much oil into the damn thing), we got the generator fired up. A few extension cords later, we connected it to the sump pump, which immediately began draining the water, and there was much rejoicing. I think I even heard angels sing. Lo, today was the day an English major got a gas engine to work.
After I jumped in the car, guess what was playing on the radio? Big Pimping. Awww yeah.
By the time I got back over to my mother-in-law's, several people have come over to help with the driveway and the bailing. A few minutes later, the generator came. Three guys were around to put it together, and considering that even I was able to figure this whole thing out, I felt my work here is done. My Catholic brain needed beer.
Remind me to buy two sump pump batteries (whenever they become available again) for future needs. And a home guide to electrical systems and appliances, because unless audio/video cables are needed, I'm a total idiot.
I think I wandered outside to clean off my car late in the afternoon, and it was my first chance to get a feel for how nasty it was for myself. Our complex has a lot of trees, and all of them were destroyed, or at least damaged. Thankfully, I used a bit of rare foresight for myself on Thursday when I decided it was not a good idea to park underneath a tree.
We got more phone calls from our moms, and something about removing water from their sump pumps. Hey, I don't our my mom's basement flooded, I got my comics down there! Finally, my mom broke down on Friday night and said I have to come over, because she's been at this sump pump thing all day and she's exhausted.
Taking buckets of water out of a hole in the ground occasionally doesn't sound that bad. Yeah, it is.
Bailing water out every 15 minutes sucks. The water never stops coming! I would be dumping five five-gallons worth of water out of the ground at a time and it looks like I barely made a dent. If anybody fell asleep for more than 30 minutes, the basement floods! It feels like being one of the button-pushers on "Lost," with the added gift of sore arms and backs.
Julie's mother was going through the same thing. Thankfully, she lives in a duplex with her friend on the other side, so they were taking shifts through the night. I was at my mom's in Lancaster until late Friday night ... yeah, that's right, fuck you driving ban! ... and then drove back to Buffalo. I'd be up by 5:30 a.m. to head back to Lancaster for another shift.
How does one occupy yourself inbetween bouts of water dumping? My laptop has a battery life of about 3.5 hours, which meant I was able to get through six episodes of Arrested Development S3 with the DVD player. After the laptop was done, I listed to WBEN for a while, and two thoughts occurred to me ... One, why does every weather related event have to have a catchy media nickname? Yeah, kiss my ass, "October Surprise!" Two, and this happened when hearing a commercial about external batteries for sump pumps, I figured out such a device could be useful to me right about now. Especially when the radio reports that it could be a week before power is restored.
My mother woke up later Saturday morning, and then mentioned to me that my father actually has a gas-engine generator sitting in the garage. Um, what?
First, I'd like to explain something about myself. My dad was always good with the mechanics, while I was the book guy. I was an English major. I've lived in apartments for most of my adult life, which means I have a Mitch Hedberg philosophy to maintenance: I don't have to do shit.
But the revelation that there's a generator sitting upstairs baffled me. See, you have to run the generator outside because of the carbon monoxide (Hey, I worked that out myself!) However, the plug on the sump pump is telling me that I can't connect to an extension cord if it isn't a grounded circuit, which might have well be written in French for all the good it does me. I'm really, really out of my element when it comes to this stuff. Fuck the trains leaving at 1 and 3 bullshit they put on the SATs, why don't they have questions like how to use a generator outside to power the essential things downstairs using a grounded circuit?
While my mom attempts to track down the instruction manual for this generator, I shove off for a few hours to acquire a pair of sump pump batteries (yeah, nice try Mark) and check in with Julie's mother. They have now enlisted a third party to help with the bailing of their pump. She also managed to have somebody deliver a generator later that day. So while the bailing is handled over there, I grab a shovel to clear out the driveway of snow. Fortunately, it was actually very nice on Saturday afternoon, so much of the snow was beginning to melt. Unfortunately, plows left a good five foot pile of the cold stuff at the foot of the driveway. Between shoveling and the bailing, I was enduring Dickins-like backbreaking labor here.
My mom calls me and she's found the generator manual. Hurray! But while I take that break, my mother-in-law decides to clear the afore-mentioned five-foot pile of snow by driving over it with her Landrover. Didn't really work. You'll have to excuse her, this is her first winter dealing with this snow stuff by herself. Anyway, I have my handy excuse to bail out of there and back to my mom's place.
So remember that bit about the grounding circuit? According to the manual, the generator's already grounded! How exciting. After a few more trial-and-error moments (mainly, I put too much oil into the damn thing), we got the generator fired up. A few extension cords later, we connected it to the sump pump, which immediately began draining the water, and there was much rejoicing. I think I even heard angels sing. Lo, today was the day an English major got a gas engine to work.
After I jumped in the car, guess what was playing on the radio? Big Pimping. Awww yeah.
By the time I got back over to my mother-in-law's, several people have come over to help with the driveway and the bailing. A few minutes later, the generator came. Three guys were around to put it together, and considering that even I was able to figure this whole thing out, I felt my work here is done. My Catholic brain needed beer.
Remind me to buy two sump pump batteries (whenever they become available again) for future needs. And a home guide to electrical systems and appliances, because unless audio/video cables are needed, I'm a total idiot.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
playwriting
I was going to check out Studio Arena's open house for theater school this Saturday morning, but a closer look at the release shows that it's pretty much just acting classes for the fall. As The Dude would say, "It's a bummer, man." Less about the class as some kind of magic bullet, but rather getting into a format that forces me to produce something every week. Plus, I would have liked to pick up some tips.
I'll probably stop down anyway, just to touch base with somebody over there that might point me in the right direction in terms of writing a play, or anything in general.
I'll probably stop down anyway, just to touch base with somebody over there that might point me in the right direction in terms of writing a play, or anything in general.
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